Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
