Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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