I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
