can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
