you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize