the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
