saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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