I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
