He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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