On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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