so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
