hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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