Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
