So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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