Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
