I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
