Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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