You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
