You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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