I wish my penis had an off switch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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