you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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