This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
