It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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