Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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