I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
