I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
