Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
