please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
