Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
