State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize