On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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