this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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