We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
