I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
