Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
