I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
