There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
