I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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