the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
