This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
