My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize