Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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