i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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