What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
