Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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