explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
