An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize