He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
