I wanna bring you to show and tell
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize