how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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