she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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