Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
