what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
