Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
