Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
