just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
