you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
