toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
