At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
