I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
