Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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