just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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