just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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