He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
