i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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