It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is my gift to your gina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
