wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
