New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
