some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
