Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
