a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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