we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
