He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
