yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
