i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
