im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
