At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize