too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
