That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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