you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
