Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
