You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
