found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
