literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
