if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
