His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
