I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
