Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
