I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
