I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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