this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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