I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
barbara walters just said penis...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
