At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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