just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
