I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
