I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bring me that man meat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize