I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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