Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
