i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize