Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
