So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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