Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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