I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
