You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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